And yesterday, and maybe even the day before that.
For starters, the weather has been unusually mild. While temperatures hovering around 95-100F may not seem that mild to most folks, here in the ArkLaTex, that's mild for summer. The last too many summers have been 100-112F with heat index values making it seem even worse.
There has been a lot of horseshit going on in the world at large that just hurts the heart. The injustice in Sanford Florida, the non-stop gun violence in Chicago, people leaking classified information, the state government passing laws dictating what I can and cannot do with my own vagina, and continued unrest in the middle East are just the tip of the iceberg.
On the home front, it's just as off. It seems we are living in a constant state of renovation, cash-flow crises, and the never-ending battle to get the state that can spend $1.6 MILLION to pass laws governing my vagina to DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE SALVINIA THAT IS KILLING OUR LAKES.
It all felt a bit off all summer; but for the last three days, it's been almost like I am walking through a dream world. I guess the trigger was the conversation I finally had with my mom--the first one since mother's day. Now, don't get me wrong. My mom is a great mom. She's not perfect, but neither am I.
It's always been tense, strained, difficult. I suppose I'm grateful that our conversation went better than I expected, even if it didn't go as well as either of us had hoped. I wish it could be different, but it probably never will.
I suppose the only thing to do is quit trying to figure it all out, get up off my ass, and go clean the bathroom or iron some clothes or something. Sometimes, I'm not meant to have all the answers, and I'm not meant to be the one to "fix" it.
Are you in my head? I need to remember that I don't have to have all the answers or fixes - because I can get lost in that job.
ReplyDeleteSending you extra love today.
Sometimes, it really really sucks knowing I can't fix it. I love you, too.
Delete(((warm hugs)))
DeleteOh if wishing made it so. I could meditate from now 'til this time next year on the thought, I don't control the world and I'd still think I somehow need to fix everything and everyone.
Maybe it's a female affliction?
Judging from behaviour I've witnessed around me, I think it's a human affliction, not always limited by gender.
DeleteHugs. I alternate between hiding from the news and make snarky twitter comments and arguments about it. I feel off as well. It's hard to accept that you can't fix - also, for me, known as "control" - a situation. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteUgh. You had to bring the c word into it and remind me that I can't even control my dog, much less my mom or the middle east or juries in Sanford Florida.
Delete