02 October 2011

Finance class. If Wall Street doesn't get it, how can I be expected to understand?

I have this finance class I have to take for my business minor. I am so lost it isn't funny.

Right now, we're learning about the time value of money,  the cost of borrowing money,  and expected earnings of a portfolio of investments. Wall Street obviously doesn't understand this shit, and I don't either.

This shit is so abstract as to make no fucking sense.  Especially to somebody who invested all her disposable moneys into chemical solutions to spiritual problems.

I'm hoping that my finely tuned ability to BULLSHIT my way through BULLSHIT will carry me through this class.

Of course, that theory only works if I become willing to engage in bullshit; getting kicked out of remedial math class proves I am decidedly not willing.
Sample problem: if one gallon of paint covers 80 square feet of wall, how many gallons are needed to cover 800 square feet?
My answer? (Picks up phone) Frank, come paint my house.
(Yes, I said that out loud. In class.)
Next sample problem:if if 1/2 cup of chopped onions makes one serving of french onion soup, how many chopped onions are needed to make 200 servings?
My answer? The caterer better know that shit.
(Again, out loud. In class.)

The teacher told me to go home. I did. I pay people to know shit for me. I don't have to know this shit myself.

When it comes to finance, I don't have any money to save. My credit is destroyed. What the hell do I need this shit for?

Oh yeah, my degree. Because, as evidenced in real life by Wall Street,  nobody uses this finance class shit for anything.

1 comment:

1. I love how you wrote this while trying to study. Also? I always have huge problems with finance classes, economics, and the like. Because it is all predicated on an imaginary concept that we assign specious significance to. Like, really? Money is paper, y'all. PAPER. I think I would have liked it better when we were using salt and seashells as money.