27 June 2011

Life in a magic bus

So today I am digressing from my usual blathering about the "glamour" of being a stagehand to bitch about life in a magic bus.

I live in a Class A motorcoach, which is a really fancy bus. Kind of like those bad-ass Prevost numbers that rock stars and their crews tour in, except not quite as nice. Almost, though. It has the slide-out living room, the proper "basement" storage compartments that lock, self leveling jack system (just push some buttons until the bubble is in the middle of the level thingy), and on-board generator. It's pretty damn nice, if the truth is told.

I actually don't mind living in under 300 square feet of living space. Mollie (my miniature dachshund) is a wee creature, so it doesn't seem that small. I've even picked through my wardrobe and weeded out the crap so that my microscopic closet is adequate to store everything.  (Well, almost.)

I love it, most days.

Today, however, was not one of those days. It wasn't as bad as the time we wound up with the dreaded "pyramid of doom" in the black water holding tank, but it smelled worse. (The black water holding tank holds "body waste", I'm going to let you figure out the "pyramid of doom" on your own.)

It has been pretty hot here in the ArkLaTex this summer (no big surprise there, what with global warming and all). It doesn't seem to matter how much holding tank deodorizing chemical treatment I put down the toilet, that black tank smells like some horrific corner of the lower reaches of hell that is probably reserved for pedophiles, rapists, and woman-beaters.

So after buying a small fortune's worth of various holding tank chemicals (all formaldehyde free, thank you) to flush down the toilet, and risking my very life with some of them (they contain citrus oils, to which I am rather allergic), I was told we needed to back-flush the tank. This involves hooking a water hose to the black water drain valve and filling the tank with water from the opposite end, rather like an enema for the magic bus. Well, I could find no such connector for performing this procedure, so I had to go about it from the other end.

No, dear reader, I did not stuff a water hose down the toilet. I did it through multiple flushes of the toilet. (My carpal tunnel is kicking my ass after all of those repeated flushing motions, by the way). After completely topping off the half-full tank of body waste with plain water and dumping it, I proceeded to fill the tank with water, dish soap, cleaners with bleach, and shampoo. Multiple times. I'm pretty sure I just dumped $100 worth of cleaners and shampoo into the city's waste water system, for which I should probably apologize.
However, if you had smelled that shit, you would understand and forgive me.

No comments:

Post a Comment