31 December 2011

A toast, to commemorate another year

I wish I had words of wisdom or a heart warming recap of the year's highlights. I also wish I had predictions for the coming year, or some resolutions or goals or plans or some shit. I'd be satisfied with some exciting party plans for New Year's Eve and a day of this-and-that for tomorrow.

I have none of the above. What I do have are some random musings. Shit like:
How long will it take me to quit writing 2011 in the date once 2012 is here?

Will it matter anyway, since some believe the Mayans predicted the universe will explode in December of 2012? (Personally, I say that the Mayan calendar stops when it does because there was a nagging wife bitching about how the guy making the calendar needed to bring his ass home and unstop the toilet or deal with little Johnny's bad behavior or some shit, and the guy just never made it back to work to continue the calendar. But that's just me.)

I wonder if I'll be able to find gainful employment when I graduate from college, since I have the disadvantage of having felony drug convictions in my past.

I wonder if it will even matter since some believe that the Mayans predicted that the universe will explode in December of 2012 anyway.

I wonder if the parts to repair my laptop will FINALLY arrive so I can get back to the serious work of helping Band Back Together create and repair resource pages.
I also wonder if I'll ever get a NEW computer since the repair guy says there is so much corrosion inside my old one that it only has a few months left to live.

I also wonder if any of it will matter, since some believe that the Mayans predicted that the universe will explode in December of 2012 anyway.

I wonder if anybody will ask me to be her N.A. sponsor in 2012, because it seems that nobody wants me to be her sponsor. It is the one thing that I feel the absence of in my program, especially with the numbers of people that want my Sunshine for a sponsor. I see how it benefits him.

I also wonder if it will even matter since some believe that the Mayans predicted that the universe will explode in December of 2012 anyway. We'll all be dead after that, right?

I wonder just how much of the ugly I'll actually be able to get Sunshine to remove from this magic bus come spring.

I also wonder if it will even matter since some believe that the Mayans predicted that the universe will explode in December of 2012 anyway.

I wonder about a lot of things. The good news is that I don't WORRY about these things anymore. That is one of the greatest benefits of having a program today. When I wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding like it's about to explode, drowning in fear, I am able to understand that I have nothing to fear. I know that the fear will pass and I will be okay. Something greater than me is in control of my life.

I will leave you with my wish for you, and a toast that I learned from an old friend from Mexico City almost two decades ago:

My wish for you is this: May you always have enough. Enough food that you are not hungry. Enough hunger that you appreciate the food you have. Enough sadness that you appreciate the happiness, enough happiness that you don't drown in sadness. May you always have enough love, and enough heartbreak that you appreciate the love. Enough light; and enough darkness to make you appreciate the light. May you always have enough laughter, enough friendship, enough health. May you always have enough.

My toast to you for this New Year's Eve is this:
Salud, dinero, y amor,  y el tiempo para gastar todo. (In english: health, money, and love, and the time to spend them all.)


  1. Thank you Cindy Lou! Finally! A blog that is honest and real about the end of 2011 - at least in my humble opinion. I'm so tired of seeing all the rainbows and flowers about the year past - in reality, behind closed doors, for most people, it was hard on some level. Some had it harder than others. Thank you for bringing it back down to the basics - appreciating the little things in life; love, health, family, laughter, friends and having our basic needs met. Well written. Happy New Year to you and Sunshine!

  2. I love that toast. Wishing all the same for you this upcoming year. <3

  3. One of my oldest friends is in rehab in Houston. If only you could be her sponsor. She would be so grateful(and seriously fucking lucky) to have you.
    And back at you with the enough thing.
    Also? I love you.

  4. This is really pretty. If I were in NA, I'd totes want you for my sponsor. :-) xoxo Happy New Year.

  5. I love that toast. I love it so much that I plan to typeset it, print it and frame it. Because I need to read that every single day, or at least once a week. You know, realistically.

    And I am a chronic worrier from a family chalk full of them. It took a 14 year old nephew who also was superb at the act of worrying to crack a joke about him and I to allow me to see that it might be OTT. Wondering seems so much more healthy. Because there is much we can do stuff about and somethings that are out of our control so only worth wondering about. The imagery is beautiful.

    I wish I needed a sponsor because you would be it. There is this voice inside of my house, though, that tells me that the person you will sponsor is well worth the wait and the work that you are currently doing for yourself. And that voice has been right about a lot of things in my world and others' so I am sharing it with you. (I don't talk about the voice much because *wink* you know ...)

    Happy New Year Cindy. I am quite grateful to be in a circle that includes you. From the first time I read your writing about stagehand work, I loved the stuff you were writing here. I started following you not so much out of loyalty and solidarity but because it resonated within me. It still does.

    PS. I don't often note them, or report them, but my captcha is Torro. Hrms ...