My name is Cindy, and I am an addict.
This means that I am accustomed to instant gratification. Hell, I live in the western society; instant gratification is the norm. Tweets come through immediately, I can buy things at any hour of the day, my DVR means I can watch what I want when I'm ready to; worldly pleasure is only a heartbeat away.
Recovery isn't instant gratification. Recovery is a process, a journey. Don't leave before the miracle happens.
I suppose the miracle for me right now is that I can recognize that my restlessness, my irritability, my discontent all stem from having to wait for what I want. I want to advance in the company where I work, I want those Revo shades I saw last week, I want more Manolos, I want I want I want.
The miracle for me right now is that I can wait. I can ride out this restlessness, this irritability, this discontent. I can feel uncomfortable, and I don't feel like using.
The miracle for me right now is that I can know that this too shall pass. Does that make it any easier? Not right now. In an age of instant gratification, waiting for what I want isn't easy. In an age of instant gratification, knowing I may not get what I want isn't fun.
What is kind of nice is knowing that I will always have what I need, as long as I keep working the steps. What is kind of nice is knowing that imminent thermonuclear meltdown doesn't have to destroy my life or anyone else's life today.
I can ride this wave of restlessness, irritability, and discontent and wait for the wave of happy that is now coming.