02 August 2012

I couldn't sleep last night

I was halfway to dream world when it hit me. Fear that paralyzed my chest. I couldn't breathe.

I woke Sunshine up, because I couldn't stand being alone with all that fear.

I suddenly became very afraid of relapse. Which is probably good. See, when I think I've got my disease beaten, I am truly in trouble.

While I don't think I have beaten addiction, I haven't been doing much to maintain recovery.I missed my home group Saturday because we were in Dallas. I will miss it this Saturday because work has me working all fucked up hours. I am not currently sponsoring anyone. And my step-work is on a back burner.

That, my friends, is a recipe for disaster for a recovering addict.

I do not want to return to the hell from whence I came.

I finally got to sleep after talking with Sunshine (who appeared to be placating me last night so he could get back to sleep, but was actually paying attention according to the suggestion he texted me this morning).

So, today, I will break out that list I am supposed to be working on. I will read my basic text. I will find meetings to attend.

I do not want to return to the hell from whence I came. Thank heaven I don't have to.