20 August 2012

My words have left me

I wish I had some beautiful words for you this morning. I wish I had something worth reading. Alas, I do not.

What I have is my internal struggle. That age-old question: 'what do I want to be when I grow up?'

I don't want to grow up; I do want to be more self-sufficient. Being grown up means I don't have to depend on Sunshine to pay my phone bill or buy me new shoes. Which is a good feeling.

I know what I do NOT want to do. At least that helps me narrow down some of the options. I also understand that, in this crappy economy, in this rather remote corner of the world, I may have to settle for something I can live with rather than my dream job.

What is my dream job? What do I fantasize about being when I grow up? Why, Stacy London and/or Clinton Kelly, of course. I'm just clever enough to understand that I may not be able to do that here in the land of matching your purse to your jacket to your shoes to your necklace to your earrings to your bracelet. I digress.

Maybe I just haven't had enough coffee this morning. Maybe I am just depressed by the options around here. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed by the geographic isolation. Maybe I should just be grateful for what I do have instead of whining about what I don't have.

Who knows why I don't have anything pretty to say?

What I do know is that I am my mother's child in so many ways. I am the product of a woman who never let life stop her, even when she cried. (She cried when she needed it, she just got up and marched onward when she was done crying.) My mom was, and IS, practical to the point of pragmatic. I am grateful for her, because it means that in spite of the fact that I face so many internal hurdles, I just don't know how on earth to not get up and march on for another day (especially after the therapeutic week of cleaning I just had, which felt much like healing).

So today, I shall put on my fancypants and pretty shoes and head into the jungle to look for a job. But first, I must get my nails did. Because I am worth it, right? And what is life without some pretty in it?

8 comments:

  1. You are definitely worth it! I hope you find your dream job. Especially one that doesn't require matching your bag, shoes, jacket and jewelry. That sounds like a lot of work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a lot of work for an outfit that doesn't look as creative or bold as I would like to look. Thank you for the good luck wishes, I need them with all these butterflies in my stomach today!

      Delete
  2. I always love to read when you talk about your mom. I love how inspired you are by her and how you always draw from that when you are feeling down. I wish you luck on your job search!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haz interview tomorrow! Also, my mom rocks.

      Delete
  3. What color polish did you get at your manicure? Totally jealous. How did your job search go?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always get the french manicure look. I would kind of love the idea of some rocking color, but until I see what job I get and what I can get away with there (some environments are more creative than others, you know?), well, then, I guess I'll stay with plain old french manicure looks.

      Delete
  4. Hell yes, you're worth it!
    Good luck tomorrow.
    *fingers crossed*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BAAAAAAH, Joules, I also got a phone call asking me to come interview on Wednesday with somebody else. Both in the fashion industry, BAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

      Delete