11 September 2012

I cleaned out my car yesterday

Since I haven't driven it much any in days and days, you'd think my car would be pretty clean. You'd be wrong.

What's so funny is that it all started with cleaning my closet. Wait, that's not true. It started with thinking about ironing. Which started because my hand wash line dry delicates were dry.

Oh, fuck. It really all started when I went to make the bed. That's as far back as I can follow this train of thought. Perhaps because there wasn't enough coffee before making the bed, and without coffee? There is no brain function. Like, the EEG would be a blank screen before coffee. Whatever. I couldn't make the bed because there was a giant pile of dirty hand-wash clothing in the floor blocking my path.

So, after hand washing all the things, I looked at the dry clothes that now need ironing (as in, they STILL need ironing this morning), and I remembered that there was NO ROOM IN THE CLOSET for the four pieces that needed to go there after I ironed them. (This means that I have shopped too much lately, but that's another story for another post.) So I decided to clean out the closet.

As I cleaned the closet, there was much trying on of clothes to see if the things even fit anymore. (hey, I'm all gimme another Krispy Kreme instead of couch-to-5K like my friend Jana.) There were some items that didn't fit, others that I had to get honest about (and admit that I'll probably never wear), and many of these items were good items to donate to Dress for Success. As I bag these items for placement in my trunk, I realize that my car is disgusting.

Like, really really disgusting. I should be ashamed of myself. The top of the biscuit that Mollie didn't eat, because it didn't taste like the bacon she had gobbled out of it; on the passenger seat. The coffee-to-go-mug that I've been looking for. For a month or more. (We won't talk about how much shit is still stuck to the inside, even after soaking overnight in antibacterial soap water.) The candlesticks and curtain rods that I had to drag out of storage because I was going to use them here in the magic bus. (Where the fuck I am going to put 3' tall candlesticks in the magic bus is beyond me, which is why candlesticks and curtain are still in the trunk.)

Also discovered? The canister of Armor-All wipes that I bought two months ago, on one of those days when an alien had possessed my body, making my mouth be all "imma clean this car". I wish that alien would come back and clean the fucking car, because all I could handle yesterday was getting the garbage out and bagging donation items for residency in my trunk.

Today, I have to deal with the backlash. The giant garbage can outside our bus is full, and it is full of random loose items. Like that biscuit top and 1,328 empty diet Dr. Pepper bottles. Which means that I have to drag that whole stinky can to the dumpster across the street. Where oh where is that Vick's Vapo-Rub that I ordered up for the delightful scent of empty holding tank?

Oh yeah, Sunshine didn't get any.


  1. The car my son drives used to be so so so disgusting. Vick's Vapo-Rub would have been a good idea back then :)

    1. They keep that stuff in the morgue, if you believe popular fiction. If it's good enough for the morgue, it should work for smelly cars and trash cans, right?