05 September 2012

I still can't get over those fucking flip-flops

Here I am, searching for a job, applying all the advice that Stacy London and Clinton Kelly have ever dished out on WNTW, consulting with a headhunter-type about whether tassel-shoes are appropriate for women in the workforce (answer: tassel-shoes are only appropriate for court jesters), and agonizing over finding a completer piece (i.e. jacket or cardigan) that doesn't give me heatstroke in these 110 degree heat indices.

Here I am, consulting with a head-hunter type over how to answer questions like "What is your greatest weakness?" (answer: "an area of development for me lately has been..."), pulling up all those tidbits gleaned from Dr. Hinck's markting class, remaining very body-conscious during interviews (cross legs at ankles, not knees; no large hand gsturing, etc), and frying my ends in an effort to keep the grey roots hidden.

Here I am, struggling with details like fit, color/texture/pattern/shine, ladylike bag, plain folder to hold my resume, not smelling of smoke or too much Pi by Givenchy, and lint-rolling dog hair off my pants.

Here I am, doing everything right, and I am getting passed up for job after job.

Here I am, doing everything right, and I am seeing candidates show up to interviews wearing fucking flip-flops. I am seeing candidates show up for interviews wearing jeans and dress sandals.

I am not doubting my fashion sense. That only lasted a moment.

What I am doing is freaking out over student loans, wondering what the fuck I am going to do when old age sets in and I have no retirement fund, and struggling with the knowledge that the job market still sucks so there is no quick fix.

I mean, when flip-flops are considered acceptable for a goddamn job interview, maybe Sunshine is on to something. Maybe we should just drop off the grid and go live off the land.

Y'all think I'm joking. I ain't. I've been watching House Hunters International, seeing how much house $125K gets you in Spain.

I seriously don't know what is wrong with the world.

Fucking flip-flops.

It makes me grateful that we just paid off another loan. We just put another $300 a month in our pockets. We just reduced the amount of gross receipts we need each month. It means that much less we have to worry about.

Which leaves me plenty of time to fret over fucking flip-flops.

Here I am, debating the wisdom of wearing red trousers to a job interview (answer: only if you are applying for a job at McDonalds, filling in for Ronald), wondering if my make-up is too plain, and hoping like hell my face doesn't erupt because I forgot to read a label and consumed something containing citric acid.

Here I am, making sure that my nails are neatly polished, my armpits are very shaved, my mascara isn't clumpy, and being extra-careful to make sure that the word FUCK doesn't escape my mouth during an interview. (hey, this is a valid concern for someone who honestly had a drug court treatment plan that said "I will not use the word motherfucker in any variation in group therapy sessions.")

Here I am, spending hours on end looking through job postings, having moments of self-doubt about whether the four-figure jackets are unintentionally sabotaging me because they make me look too ladies-who-serve-on-charitable-boards, and hoping that Sunshine's new business venture takes off quickly so that I can just take on more hours working for him.

And people are wearing flip-flops to job interviews because receptionists are wearing flip-flops to work.

What the fuck?

Fucking flip-flops. I give up. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Now where can I find me some fancy flip-flops?

bahahahahahaha, just kidding.

Although, perhaps it is time to revise my strategy. Perhaps I should go talk to some of these more exclusive boutiques in the area, boutiques that do NOT sell flip-flops, see if they're hiring seasonal help. Because it's becoming obvious that the bar is otherwise set very low around here, and as my headhunter friend says, any place that doesn't hire me because I am dressed too nicely is a bullshit place to work, and as Sunshine says, anyplace that doesn't hire me because I am dressed too beautifully is stupid.

But seriously, y'all, fucking flip-flops?

18 comments:

  1. Holy hell. I would laugh a candidate right out the door if they showed up wearing flip flops. Keep on doing what you're doing. If people won't hire you because you bothered to look professional, then they aren't the kind of place you want to work. And yes, the boutique places might be the route to go. If they aren't hiring yet, they will be soon for the holidays. And their clientele might be better suited for your taste as well. (As in, they will have taste.)

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  2. I once gave up using "fuck" for Lent. It lasted until I had to tell people I'd given up the word "fuck" for Lent, because saying, "Eff Word," sounds stupid.

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    1. "eff word" really is ambiguous. "fart" is a lovely eff word, and who gives up farting for lent?

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  3. I vote for the high end boutiques - I think you'd do really well at them. People who aren't hiring you are just plain stupid, in my opinion.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's hard getting passed over so many times, it helps being told I am awesomesauce.

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  4. It was just the truth, yo. You have the style ability to rival Stacy and Clinton any day.
    Flip-flops? Fucking amateur.

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    1. bahahaha, amateur, I love it! #thisiswhyiloveyou

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  5. I have an effff-word, also known as my father. As in my F-word wrote me a letter after a four year break, and now I need to find a therapist. I dislike flip flops intensely. Look! Another F word, with double the efffffs ...

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    Replies
    1. perhaps we could pretend it is lent, and give up that eff word.

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  6. I would wear flip-flops ever day of my life. Course, I would wear just boxers too. Damn society.

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    Replies
    1. Flips flops have their place. So do boxers, most especially if they're silk!

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  7. I love flippies(that's what we call them around these parts). But not for a job interview!!! I'm having trouble with my interview attire, also. I am freaked because I actually own nothing I feel is appropriate. But. I HAVE FLIP FLOPS!! So, I'm set, right?

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    Replies
    1. if you have flippies, the apparently you are set. MMS or email me some pics if you want help with what to wear to the interview.

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  8. Thank you. Fuck flip-flops, especially on MEN. With the long toe-nail thing going on.

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    1. Oh, there were dudes in there with sandals, those reebok rubber showershoe jobs. With socks. Sandals with socks. at a staffing service. Good first impression, no?

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  9. You are living in a tough area, Cindy. I lived there for a long time and it's so damn cliquish. Be patient...keep doing what you're doing. You know the hot spots in town and the outskirts - work 'em, girl, work 'em. You Got This!!!!

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    1. I'm to the point of seeking professional help. There are NGOs in the area that specialize in people like me. They work for the job-seekers, unlike staffing services that are paid by the companies seeking workers. I haven't given up hope. yet. Thank you for the support!

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