01 December 2012

Tiny, trial-sized tubes of Biotene toothpaste

I wrote with glee when I realized that there was only one tube of that shit left.

Today, I write to tell you that THERE ARE NO MORE TINY, TRIAL-SIZED TUBES OF BIOTENE TOOTHPASTE!

I am ashamed to say I didn't use all of the last one of those tubes of Biotene. I was afraid of it. Those stupid little tubes of toothpaste had been mocking me for weeks. They had managed to find ways to continue to maintain their numbers no matter how many of them I used up and threw away.

I wondered if that last tube would find a way to reproduce asexually.

I used some of the toothpaste in that last tube, and as I brushed my teeth, that tube of toothpaste lay there on the counter staring at me like some sort of Chuckie doll or something.

As the day wore on, that tube of toothpaste lay there, mocking me.

I became very frightened of that tiny, trial-sized tube of toothpaste.

I threw it in the trash, which I immediately took to the dumpster.

I couldn't take any chances that the last remaining tiny, trial-sized tube of toothpaste would reproduce asexually; leaving its evil spores hiding in my bathroom.

That was almost two weeks ago. There have been no sightings of tiny, trial-sized tube of toothpaste.

Now, I shall concentrate my efforts on making sure that all of those full-sized bottles of shampoo (and body wash, and conditioner, and lotion) get used up before they figure out how to reproduce like rabbits or wild boar.

14 comments:

  1. You gotta watch out for those toiletries. They are wily fuckers.

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  2. I feel that way about the cat hair around here. LOL My 2 cats would be bald if all of the hair I vacuum and Swiffer up were all theirs. I'm convinced the hair falls to the floor and immediately multiplies like wet gremlins.

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    Replies
    1. Nuke that shit. Microwaves kill gremlins.

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  3. Replies
    1. totally easy. toothpaste never lasts that long in these parts. in large or small packaging.

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    2. If Sunshine were home more often, toothpaste wouldn't last here either.

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  4. I wish toiletries would multiply here; we're always running out of thi ngs the girls use. Wasteful assholes. But you know what DOES multiple? Effing paper. I cannot keep ahead of all of the effing paper, especially from school and backpacks. Grrr.

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    Replies
    1. Sunshine loves paper, too. Ih, dear sweet baby cheesus does that man love paper. Don't tell him, but I throw at least 50% of his paper away at least once every week.

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  5. I think they do multiply - if only the vacations we took where we stayed in the hotel rooms where we swiped them from multiplied the same way, huh? That'd be awesome!!!

    Love the new look over here too, BTW - much more cheerful =))

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    Replies
    1. It took me forever to get Sunshine to stop bringing home toiletries from hotels. The man is a packrat.

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    2. I think our men are related!

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