04 March 2013

It's Monday. There isn't enough coffee for this.

I started my new job this weekend. I like it quite a bit; I just have to get readjusted to being on my feet for eight hours a day. Also, I need to find a way to get more sleep; coffee only carries one so far.

I also need new shoes. Well, need might be a bit strong of a word. I have shoes. I have many shoes. I just don't know if I have shoes that will serve me well while standing on my feet all day. It seems so hard to find shoes that have arch support, ball-of-foot cushioning, and that don't pinch the toes or heel. It isn't impossible to find shoes that meet two of those requirements; however, in Shreveport, finding something that meets all three is "mission impossible".

In addition to the physical adjustments I am going through with the new job, I have been stewing in a lot of deep shit lately. I just lost a friend to overdose, I have been challenged to think about privilege in a new way by April, and Sunshine just keeps throwing fringe ideas at me that boggle the mind.

I'm not going to talk about most of this stuff that has been making the rounds in the chat-rooms of my mind; it's too controversial, and I am just not as brave as some people are.

So I'm going to leave you with a fringe idea. Time is an illusion, and there is no now.

Think about it. If we look at what time is (the interval between two events), then we realize that time is an entirely human construct. If we then think about that interval between two events, we realize that he who is living in the moment is living in timelessness. We humans call that timelessness "eternity". So, s/he who lives in the moment lives in eternity. Now, let me really cook your noodle by throwing a "gladiator" movie quote at you: "What we do in life echoes in eternity" and tell you to figure that one out.
Time is an illusion. It is the interval between two events; with those two events being arbitrarily assigned. By humans. Who need to label and define everything.

Now, I am going to fuck you up a little further.

We may be living in the moment, but there is no "now".

Think about it. What I THINK I am experiencing in this moment? Actually occurred in the past. It takes time for the senses and the brain to process the input, and while that time may be measurable in nano-seconds, it has still elapsed. Which means that the barking I am hearing from my dog RIGHT NOW? Actually happened in the past, because time has elapsed while my ears and brain process the input.

It can get deeper, if you like. Remember when I said that time is an illusion? Which means that the "time" the senses and mind spent processing input? Is cooking my noodle. Seriously.

This is what it is like to live with Sunshine these days. We'll talk about zombie programs another day, because they are actually interesting and have nothing to do with undead creatures that want to eat brains. Which is a shame, actually, since these fringe ideas have my brain stewing to edible perfection.

I need more coffee. Now.


  1. Oh lordy, do you think like me. I have to stop that stuff sometimes, else I get pretty darned dizzy. I can't help wondering what other stuffz you're stewing upon, the controversial stuff. PM me!!!

    That's just me, looking for distractions, obtw. I have a very swollen jaw, and probably a root canal tomorrow or the next day. And you know all I can think in my misery (aside from F! OUCH!) is how lucky I am to be able to afford an emergency root canal, the ensuing dental work, last month's periodontal surgery, the caps that will be placed upon my broken down teeth. Lucky, for it is through no wherewithal of my own, and I know from friends how difficult it is to have as much dental work as I've had done without insurance and income.

    Do you think if I repeat that mantra tomorrow (hopefully) while some specialist maniac delves into the deepest root in my mouth it will be less nasty? I'm thinking probably.

    oh sorry. blog posted on your post. the here and now is the future, and the past, and I've been learning that we don't inherit the earth from our fore bearers so much as we caretake it for those who will come down the line. Such a different and powerful way to think about things, eh? <3

    Congrats on your job, I hope it works out okay. And oh, just remembering (I read this post much earlier today) can we have a moment's silence for the real 9West shoes? Like before some scary robocompany took it over, monetized it and started making uncomfortable unwearable shoes? I swear, I could wear my 9West stilettos to work, at work, home from work, and out for dinner and dancing. Man. Those were the days. Those were the shoes.

    1. I didn't think about this heavy shit until Sunshine started studying it informally. Now? I stew a lot. I get cranky with him: he'll be sharing something from a book, and I don't want the details, I just want to know what conclusion the scientist reached.

      As for the dentist? iPod. My dentist suggested it when I was self-paying for quite a lot of dental work. I have no insurance either. iPod.

      As for your idea that we don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, Sunshine says we must preserve it for our children.

      Lastly: 9West shoes from the 9West factory store? Have paper soles. I call bullshit.

  2. Cindy Loo, I enjoy your blog and read it often. You're obviously going through a tough time. Sometimes talking to a stranger can be easier so consider me available. Or consider me a friend. Either way, I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

    1. I will consider you a friend I haven't hugged yet, Jeri. Thank you for that, because sometimes it is very nice to talk to somebody that isn't Sunshine. He's great and all, but he often takes the conversation off course (me) and into shit like "there is no 'me'" or something. gah.

  3. Have you tried Clarks shoes? They have several other brands, too, including Indigo, Privo, Unstructured, and probably others I can't think of at the moment. I have very picky feet and need arch support - Clarks are the only shoes I wear. They have several lines (athletic, dressy, etc.).

    Congrats on the new job, btw!!!

    1. I will be trying these Clark's shoes. Thank you for the tip! #thisiswhyiloveyou

  4. Well, now I want to know about the stuff in the "chat rooms" of your mind because that was the best description I ever heard to describe the voices and thoughts in my creative brain.

    Also, I want to know about the zombies too.

    Hugs my friend! I hope you're doing better today!!

    1. For now, I gave you the zombies. Remind me, and I will talk about the chat rooms of my mind in the near future. It would tie in nicely to the way I ended the discussion of the zombies.