You know I am lost when I am planning to volunteer to sit through statistics class twice in one day. That will equal five hours of statistics class in one day. It's just that I am so lost!

It's not like I can't do math at all. I can add, subtract, multiply and divide. I can balance my checkbook, I can do a bank reconciliation, I can do basic financial statements for accounting, I can do all of the journal entries for accounting; and I can get it all to balance out, equal out, whatever. It's some serious Chriss Angel Mindfreak shit how good I can be at making it all work out like it is supposed to.

In statistics class, I even know what this

means, and can get the correct answer.

Just don't throw a fucking word problem at me. I'm the girl that got thrown out of remedial math for being one of those asshats that is the reason there are so many service-based companies out there.

Word problem: "if one gallon of paint covers 80 square feet of wall, how many gallons do you need to paint 800 square feet of wall?"

My answer? (picks up phone, imitates placing phone call): "Frank, come paint my house."

(yes, out loud, in class.)

Next problem: if 1/2 of a cup of chopped onions makes one serving of french onion soup, how many onions do you need to make 200 servings of french onion soup?"

My answer? "The caterer better know that shit."

(again, out loud, in class.)

At that point, the teacher demanded that I just leave the class. I did. I went home and took a bubble bath without trying to figure out how many teaspoons of bubble bath I needed for however many gallons of water my tub holds.

Math concepts class, yep, I failed that shit. Might be because of my response to a word problem.

Word problem: "If a Toyota Prius gets 100 kilometers per liter of gasoline, how many miles to the gallon does it get?"

My answer? "There is a button on the dash that does the conversion for me."

Accounting exam, word problem. "Ping's China Bear Restaurant can buy an entire truckload of live kittens for $14,000". I can't even tell you what the rest of the problem was, something about BBQ ribs and Mystery Rolls, and Special Sauce Mystery Meat. It took me half an hour to get past the truck filled with live kittens to even begin to try and find the relevant numbers to set up the problem. I told the professor he was just wrong for that shit. His response? "Hey, it happens."

Probably, but I don't want to be reminded of that shit. (especially not during an exam.)

If I want to complete my business minor, I have to pass this statistics class. I have no fucking clue what to do with all of the random information in the word problems he gives us. The one I attempted to figure out was some shit about Scottrade, and I just kept getting stuck on the fucking e*trade baby hiding a smartphone under his woobie. (Which is, I know, completely off point. It's just how my mind works.)

So off to morning statistics class I go. Because when it comes to word problems, I got nothing.

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