30 July 2011

OOH, look, something shiny

"It is too early for rational thought. As a matter of fact, there is not enough coffee in the world for rational thought at all today."
"I'm already wondering what the hell just happened, and my day hasn't really started yet."
"I have lost my rabid ass mind. I can't find anything this morning."
"Not only did I forget sunblock yesterday, I forgot how to operate the coffeemaker this morning."

These are actual tweets from work. (I think. It’s too early and I haven’t had enough coffee for rational thought.)  I would imagine that if I asked around, these thoughts would not be considered solely the province of stagehands. These thoughts sound like the human experience.

As they relate to being a stagehand, I would have to guess that these kinds of thoughts stem from occupational hazard: the hours. We work some stupid hours. We drink a lot of coffee and energy drinks. All that caffeine can’t do much about organizing our thoughts. The caffeine probably jumps in the middle of the thought process and just starts throwing shit around, scattering everything wildly and randomly.

I would wonder if these thoughts were a result of the years of using shit that kills brain cells, but I’ve also heard of earthlings doing the same thing. Caro couldn’t figure out why her mouse wasn’t moving the cursor around the screen until she realized that she was sliding her phone across the desk. Aunt Becky cleaned out her closet looking for her whore-pants and found a bag full of diamonds.

I have those days. You know the ones. It starts with forgetting how to operate the coffeemaker and ends with “where are my pants?” Throughout the day, there is a healthy dose of “my car ate my notebook for accounting class” and “my purse ate everything I put in it” and that’s just how life goes sometimes.

And on those days, as I’m digging through my bag looking for my lunch, it is so easy to become distracted. I’ll get my cosmetics bag, wallet, keys, and miniature basic text pulled out of my bag and I’m thinking “I know there’s a fucking sandwich in here” and somebody will walk by wearing fabulous shoes and I get all “ooh, pretty shoes” and the next thing you know it’s 3 hours later and I’m digging for my keys so I can start the long drive home and as I drive I pass a billboard for McDonalds and I remember the sandwich. And thus it begins again.

OOH, look, it's a bunny!

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