06 December 2011

English papers

Let me start by saying that it was not a bright idea to take a Shakespeare class with a professor who has spent his life obsessing over William Shakespeare. Most especially when I had a high school english professor who said this:'many people will tell you that Shakespeare was making a socio-political commentary or that this play was about such&such. The bottom line is that Shakespeare wrote his plays to make money.'

However, thanks to finishing up my sophomore english requirements with this particular expert on Shakespeare, I came to a place of appreciation for Michael Almereyda's adaptation of Hamlet. Also, the professor liked me, and it was reasonably easy to earn good grades in his classes.

Fast forward to final exams this semester. I just spent the latter third of the semester letting a term paper based on Almereyda's adaptation of Hamlet kick my ass, and now my take-home final is due tomorrow and I haven't even started it.

I'm tired of writing liberal arts papers, y'all. 12 step recovery teaches me to avoid over-analyzing shit and to always tell the truth (meaning bullshitting is bad). Yet liberal arts papers are straight-up bullshit. 'Analyze this short story' means that I have to make up some bullshit about the story and quote the story and other experts opinions of the story to prove that my made-up-bullshit is the truth.


And the choices of questions on this final? Obscure would be a good word to describe them. An example:
"Frank Kermode asserts that 'all plots have something in common with prophecy, for they must appear to educe from the prime matter of the situation the forms of a future'. Test this assertion against the endings of at least four of the plays assigned this semester..."
Or this gem:
"Imagine that you plan to create a high school humanities unit on Shakespeare and the ideas of his time."


So I have two 3-4 page papers and two 1 page papers to write before 10:30 tomorrow. I'll be tackling a 3 page paper on rhetoric as an idea of Shakespeare's time. 'The power of words' just feels so relevant after the anti-bullying rally the Band did over the weekend. Also, the unquoted question about Gertrude from Hamlet. Because, thanks to Michael Almereyda, I actually feel comfortable with Hamlet.

So I have about 24 hours to come up with some serious bullshit for these papers. Which makes me feel, like, all dirty and shit, like I've been sneaking around shooting up dilaudid or smoking meth or something. Which makes me want to call my sponsor.

I'm going christmas and grocery shopping, y'all.


  1. Well, English is my specialty (mom was an English Teacher and my degree is in journalism so I had to take classes in college too). However, Shakespeare is not my strong point...I like reading it but I hate interpreting it and writing about it. That said,, in the future, if you need help with anything English...let me know!

  2. Bullshitting is sort of my wheelhouse. At least when it comes to writing. I went to a liberal arts college so as to avoid 'real' learning and took oodles of lit classes because I like to read.
    I would totally write that paper for you and you could go shopping with me and make me fabulous. If only that weren't twenty kinds of wrong on both counts.

  3. THIS was exactly why I struggle(d) with uni, and still haven't wrapped it up. Your road to recovery echoes mine, even though I followed my own route, I don't think it is too dissimilar to the 12 step programs.

    What really freaked me out, even in the stuff that wasn't liberal arts, was how easy it was to prove any point, simply by ignoring some information (data) and citing the stuff that suited the point. *cough* bullshit *cough*

    Good for you for muscling through. I'm assuming you finished 'em?