18 February 2012

Character defects, and the @mommywantsvodka effect on my 7th step

So I recently finished writing down the answers to the questions posed to me in relation to the 7th step of Narcotics Anonymous, and I sat down with my sponsor (via skype) to go over it.

Now, I will admit to leaning toward sarcasm when answering some of these questions that are obviously written for the brand-new newcomer. I can't help myself. And usually my sponsor just overlooks the sarcasm, because I follow it with an honest answer to the question as it relates to where I am in my recovery.

I'm not just sarcastic. I'm intolerant of stupidity and of any question to which the answer is obvious (or questions that answer themselves).

So when I get to a question that asks me whether I believe that only God can remove my shortcomings, you know my sponsor saw it coming before the question had been completely verbalized out loud.

(Let's ignore my religious beliefs and such for the moment. Let's not go there. What I do or do not believe is irrelevant. Let's just say that I believe in something greater than myself and that it has restored me to some semblance of sanity, and leave it at that.)

How did I answer this question about whether or not I believe that only God can remove my shortcomings?

"I can't even remember where I left my pants. I'm going to remove my shortcomings?"

(Yes. That is a direct quote. And, yes, that was my answer in its entirety.)

I blame @mommywantsvodka.

She made it OK to admit I can't even remember where I left my pants. (Does anybody know if she ever found her whore pants?) My dear Aunt Becky has also made sarcasm an acceptable way of communicating with the outside world. Hell, she gave me The Band, which is a bunch of people who believe that sarcasm is a perfectly acceptable way of life. (There are probably more than a few who, much like myself and Aunt Becky, can't remember where they left their pants.)

My sponsor, apparently, does not have any problem remembering where she left her pants.

I now have been tasked with figuring out what I might or might not believe in, and coming up with ways to communicate with it.

This shit is cooking my noodle, y'all. All because of the @mommywantsvodka effect in my life.

Don't worry, I ain't mad at Aunt Becky. I stand by my answer.

"I can't remember where I left my pants. I'm going to remove my shortcomings?"

Maybe when I figure out how to communicate with whatever I may or may not believe in, it will tell me where I left my pants.

If that happens, imma ask about Becky's whore pants.


  1. I, too, can never remember where I left my pants. Aunt Becky has that effect on a lot of people. And sarcasm is the bread of life.

  2. This is where I struggled too. I'm with you, I won't go into a whole debate about my belief in God, I have one and it is my own. Done.

    However, where I struggled was in the third step "handing it over to God". I actually had to have a counseling session about it because I too am way to sarcastic for some of the questions handed to me. Plus, I decided to work the steps in MY way....which makes things even more complicated on top of the handing it over thing.

    I got through that step and now I'm working my fourth step (what a bear!) and find myself answering some of the questions with the same approach as you. I'm honest and open as all get out, but I use humor as a tool to deal with the hell I've been through.

    Must be why I adore Aunt Becky and The Band too =)

    1. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone! #thisiswhyiloveyou

  3. It's been so long since I lost my pants, I gave up looking. And my snarky response to that question would be "why do I need to remove my shortcomings?" I mean really. They're a part of me. They got me where I am. And I'm not saying that's good or bad, but it just is. We can't remove all the wars from history. They weren't good, but they can't be removed. And if they could be, then we wouldn't learn from them now would we? I don't want to remove my shortcomings. I want to convert them into something better. I want to evolve into a better person. But I will not, I cannot, remove a part of me. Just my two (snarky) cents. Also, lots of love to you darling!

    1. I think the idea behind "removing" them is to replace them with better behaviors. I certainly don't want to forget my "bad" behaviors or I am doomed to repeat them.