27 February 2012

Short-timers

Here lately, I haven't done much of anything, except go to Dallas for some shopping and a fab new haircut, which was a definite win.

If I get real honest with myself, it is nothing more than short-timers. I am about a quarter of the way through my final semester at college, and I am scared shitless.

I would love to tell you that I am just afraid that nobody is going to hire a 42 year olf convicted felon.

That would be a lie.

I am terrified of "growing up". I am frightened to death of becoming an adult, of having to be responsible for myself, of having a "real" job.

Thank heaven for Narcotics Anonymous. I heard exactly what I needed to hear in a meeting Saturday night. A friend shared about dealing with fear. He spoke of how, when he starts taking action, the problem seems to lessen, and the fear isn't as great.

So, I suppose it is time to take action. First step, resume. Thank heaven for Teresa, the woman who used to keep our lives manageable. She once offered to help me create a resume. With any luck, she is still willing. If anybody can make "42, convicted felon, first-time college graduate" sound employable, it is Teresa. The rest of it, what I do with the resume, is all on me. And if there is anything I can say I am good at, it's putting on my game face and bullshitting my way through the fear.

I have to put this out there. I need you to hold me accountable. Even if you never ask about my progress, I know that I have told you this, and therefore feel some need to follow through.

Now, if I can just muster up the courage to hit "publish".

4 comments:

  1. And with that click, you took action. You got this.

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    1. I hope so, honey. I am petrified of becoming a "responsible adult". At least I've got lunch with you to look forward to!

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  2. You can do it, Cindy Lou!! You took the leap and went to college, right? Now you've got that under your belt, you can do this too!

    **if you need someone to nag, I can do it - just ask my husband =P

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    Replies
    1. nagging couldn't hurt, right? Thank you!

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