Here lately, I haven't done much of anything, except go to Dallas for some shopping and a fab new haircut, which was a definite win.
If I get real honest with myself, it is nothing more than short-timers. I am about a quarter of the way through my final semester at college, and I am scared shitless.
I would love to tell you that I am just afraid that nobody is going to hire a 42 year olf convicted felon.
That would be a lie.
I am terrified of "growing up". I am frightened to death of becoming an adult, of having to be responsible for myself, of having a "real" job.
Thank heaven for Narcotics Anonymous. I heard exactly what I needed to hear in a meeting Saturday night. A friend shared about dealing with fear. He spoke of how, when he starts taking action, the problem seems to lessen, and the fear isn't as great.
So, I suppose it is time to take action. First step, resume. Thank heaven for Teresa, the woman who used to keep our lives manageable. She once offered to help me create a resume. With any luck, she is still willing. If anybody can make "42, convicted felon, first-time college graduate" sound employable, it is Teresa. The rest of it, what I do with the resume, is all on me. And if there is anything I can say I am good at, it's putting on my game face and bullshitting my way through the fear.
I have to put this out there. I need you to hold me accountable. Even if you never ask about my progress, I know that I have told you this, and therefore feel some need to follow through.
Now, if I can just muster up the courage to hit "publish".