29 March 2012


So I graduate from college on May 20. At the age of 42. #Betterlatethannever, right?

After graduation, I'll be looking for a "real job" for the first time in my life. At the age of 42. #Betterlatethannever, right?

The neighbor is still starting shit with the landlord's wife because I'm "shunning her". The landlord's wife is still starting shit with Nan & Pap because of it. Are we #12yearsold out here in the swamp? #Beawoman and bring your shit to my face so I can tell you to #shutyourwhoremouth and #evictmeplease so I can file #frivolouslawsuits against you and write honest negative reviews of your RV park on Google places (or whatever Google calls it now).

(For the record, I am "shunning her". That worthless waste of oxygen was being PAID to take care of my puppy while I was at school, and I was SICKENED by the sheer volume of ant bites on my puppy's tummy and the LARGE RAW OPEN SORES in my puppy's private parts from ANT BITES that my precious puppy got while in her care. She's lucky I didn't have her arrested for cruelty to animals and then sue the fucking shit out of her. Let me add that the woman has no social skills, can't take a hint that you want her to leave because you're #onthephone, and let her beastly grandchild #trashmyhouse and feed my dog cookies because nobody will #stiflethatchild--for the record, that last one is Sunshine's #hashtag.)

Speaking of my precious puppy, #Ilikesqueakytoys.

More #arresteddevelopment:

Yesterday, I ate so much red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting that I had to take a phenergan to not vomit last night. Can anyone say "#idunchecked"? Yep, some days I act like a "7 year old lil kid", according to @Reshaud.

Is it a sign of #arresteddevelopment that I think in #hashtags and @ mentions?

Back to my pending graduation. I'm pretty sure it's a sign of #arresteddevelopment that I want cake and a glass of milk for my graduation party. After the red velvet cake yesterday, you'd think I'd know better; #somepeopleneverlearn and I'm one of them.

Because I'm angry and #boredshitless and am afraid of the red velvet cake this morning, I want to buy some new shoes. #Ineedafix or I'll just #eatmyfeelings because #somepeopleneverlearn.

One last bit of #arresteddevelopment: I am looking forward to tomorrow, because Fridays bring good things on the internet, like #finechinafriday and #fridayfluff. Because life is too short to eat fast food from the bag, and #laughteristhebestmedicine.


  1. #ifuckingloveyou
    Send me some of that cake, cause #istillhaventlearned

    1. I blame you for me thinking in hashtags, because I'm pretty sure it was you who first did the whole #whyyesiusedahashtaginanemail thing; and #thisiswhyiloveyou. Being #withtheband has helped me become a true-er version of me, and I'm grateful for it.

  2. #thisiswhyiloveyou
    #butnotasmuchasyoudo <3

  3. And now I might have to write another post. #fuckinglovebothofyou #sometimesthinkinhashtags even though I'm a #twitterfail

    Great post. Eat feelings? Qui moi?! Amnumnumnum -- also known as alumni.

    1. I DO eat my feelings. yesterday they tasted like red velvet cake. love ypu too!

  4. Red velvet cake is #yummy.

    #Ineedredvelvetcake, but you can have my milk.

    Because #milkisgross y'all!

    #Iloveyou #Hashtagsareawesome #Youareawesome #Thatisall