06 April 2012

Time to put on my big-girl panties

Graduation from college is looming large; hanging over my head like a 6000 ton weight that is threatening to smoosh me flat.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a freight train, it's loaded with shit, it's running at full speed, and it's not stopping.

I have been employing almost all of my methods of denial and avoidance lately, trying not to think about it. I did get the resume done, I did get it taken to an employment service. Now it's time to follow up with them and also to start working with more of those employment services.

There is this part of me that feels as if I am standing on the edge of a cliff, not wanting to jump because it's scary. That part of me doesn't trust that there really is a hang-glider attached to my back.

I've jumped off the cliff before, so I know that the hang-glider is there and that it works. I know that the flight will be exhilarating, because it always has been in the past.

So why am I afraid to step off the cliff?

That, my friends, is the nature of addiction. Fear, self-centeredness, insecurity, fear, ego, selfishness. Did I mention fear?

I just had to put this out there, because I need some of that nagging that was promised.

I want to fly. I just need a nudge to push me off the cliff, I guess.


  1. You can do it, Cyn! You will rock whichever job is lucky enough to have you.

  2. Dude, that shit is truly scary. But if you don't jump, you can't fly. Fucking fly, yo.

  3. How 'bout a swift kick in the ass?
    And what Joules said-fucking fly, yo. We'll catch you if fall or applaud your landing.

    1. Tooks, I do NOT want you to kick my ass, so I will follow through with other employment services. After all, I have the band to catch me if the hang glider breaks.

  4. y'ever read a book called What Colour is Your Parachute? It is a very different way to get a job, and a job you might actually like. The people I know (like my husband and a very close friend) followed that book to a near T and got very satisfying results. Part of the book is about conducting information interviews with people doing stuff that might interest you. You can start with a friend, and then get them to give you three names of other people they think might be interesting or helpful. It helps to kill the whole cold call thing (which I imagine might feel terrifying to you), you are NOT asking for a job, per se, but rather on a mission to learn and practice interviewing so that when a real interview comes along, you have warmed up. Sorry if this is incoherent, it is 9:58 and I'm thinking about my bed. Considering I usually wait till 2 am ... well. Anyway, check out that book if you are still feeling the trepidation thing. It might be easier than getting a swift kick from Tooks. Right?! And your hang glider? is gonna be jest finnnne.

    Oh, and can you make sure those are big girl panties that are also super fly? because nothing says no confidence like the big ugly ones poking outta the top of your outfit. #justsaying.