13 October 2012

Getting old sucks

Well, sometimes.

Most days, I appreciate the wisdom I have gained through the years.

There are days, however, when the wisdom I've gained is small consolation for the pain I feel. The miles have been hard. Addiction hurts, y'all.

I've had more car crashes than the average crash test dummy. Most of them, I've been lucky to survive. These days, at 42, my body aches like somebody far older.

I've gotten used to the neck and back pain. I'm actually able to function pretty well in spite of it. So if I say "it hurts", well, it really fucking hurts.

Days like yesterday, I just don't even want to leave the house. Days like today, where I don't want to leave the house but have to go take the civil service exam, just blow.

In some ways, the wisdom I've gained throughout the years is a gift. I know that this too shall pass. For now. I won't think about that (hopefully) far off day when the pain is a constant companion. I just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and give myself extra time to accomplish a task.

I also know that I have so many people I can reach out to for love and support. A simple tweet can bring in so much love from across the miles that at least my heart feels better even though my neck/back/hip/insert body part here still hurts.

And then there's Sunshine. He can't stop the pain, but he sure is good at being sympathetic and kind.

So today, as I slowly get ready to hop in the car for that hour drive to town so that I can sit in a chair for heaven only knows how long to take a test that may or may not help me get a job, I carry y'all with me.

I'll get through today. It might not be fun, but I'll get through it.

Getting old sucks. Especially when the miles have been as hard as addiction made them.

10 comments:

  1. Sending that love across the blogosphere. You're a tough cookie, for sure. Hang in there. xx

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    1. When I saw I already had a comment, I thought "that was fast for such an ungodly hour". Then I remembered that my night is your day, or something. Thank you! I needed that this morning. Civil service exam shortly, gah!

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  2. I'm so sorry you are hurting today.

    Sending lots of extra love your way <3

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    1. Thank you! It seems better today than yesterday.

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  3. I had me a little operation this week, a very uncomfortable one. The stay in the hospital was bizarre and a bit scary -- I couldn't get a glass of water for a full three hours -- but I have learned the same thing you say here: the passage of time usually eases the pain and discomfort. This, paired with some friends who checked in with me before and after to tell me their thoughts were with me, made something crappy (heh ... literally ... DON'T ASK) into something bearable.

    I know you'll ace this exam. I'm sorry you have to do it in such discomfort. Feel better soon.

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    1. It sounds like your surgery ended well. I'm glad. Love and (((hugs)) and wishes for speedy recovery.

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    2. Thanks Cindy. I have no complaints personally. The shambles that our hospitals are in right now worry me for those who don't have an advocate when they are sick, or can't advocate for themselves. Thanks for the hugs!

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    3. Y'all's hospitals are fucked up too? The world is going to hell when sick people can't get help getting better.

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