13 December 2012

I had almost forgotten...

I had almost forgotten how bad detox was.

I don't think one can ever really forget detox; it's horrifically bad.

I just think that time had dulled the memories.

This morning, I got a lovely reminder. I started feeling light-headed, which initially made me think "guess it's time to start taking iron supplements again", and then my hands and feet started getting all tingly/numb. It then occurred to me that this feeling I was experiencing is sometimes the precursor to yarfing.

Within thirty seconds of the onset of symptoms, I realized that my smartest move was to lie down in the floor, since I was certain that was where I was headed anyway. By this time, Sunshine had walked in and noticed that something was amiss. He asked what he could do to help me; my only response was "stay close".

Within thirty seconds of lying down in the floor, I became grateful that I had done so right next to the trash can. I sat up and begged Sunshine to get me a hair tie, fast, because I just knew I was about to throw up. Thank heaven he knew where he dropped them when he pulled them out of his hair the night before.

I dragged myself up onto the trash can and propped my head over it as waves of cold washed over me.

I dry heaved for about three minutes, and I'm pretty sure I spiked a high fever for those three minutes. I slumped there, shaking, cold and hot, dry heaving, and sweating profusely.

Sunshine kept making appropriately soothing noises from his spot on the couch. Bless his heart, I think he has learned that when I'm that sick, just leave me alone--I'll ask for help if I need it.

After about three minutes of dry heaving, I was finally able to just huddle there, hanging on to the trash can for dear life. I was drenched with sweat, freezing to death where skin was exposed and burning up where it wasn't.

Whatever it was, it finally passed. I was able to get my stuffs and things done today without further incident. I've felt a little weak and tired all day, but otherwise OK. However, as I sit here tonight, I'm reminded how bad detox really was.

I have no clue what the fuck was wrong with me this morning. I don't know that it even matters. What I do know is that it was over in a matter of minutes, and for that I am grateful.

Detox, on the other hand, went on for days; cycling through the same symptoms and events as this morning's incident FOR DAYS ON END.

Thanks to the program of Narcotics Anonymous, I don't ever have to detox again. After this morning, I am reminded why I don't want to.


  1. Oh I hate sneak attacks. <3 Glad you have such a terrific mate who can give you space without running away. That's such a tricky balance. Glad you are okay. If nothing else, it is a good reminder to be gentle with yourself in the aftermath. Hopefully it was just a teeny tiny one-off aftershock.

    1. I had powdered sugar donuts and jalapeno flavored potato chips for lunch with no ill effects, so maybe I'm in the clear. I kniw, I eat like a college kid or a video game junkie. It's really disgusting sometimes.

    2. Heh ... I've never been able to eat like that. Except when I was bulimic. So straight and narrow it is for me ...

      Glad you're okay.

  2. Holy fuck, that takes me back. To a place I don't EVER want to be again.
    Glad it was a momentary illness.

    1. Right? It was worse than hell. Glad we're not there anymore!

  3. Oh darlin! I'm so sorry that you were/are sick. But I'm awesomely glad you're sober and you can share your insights. I hope you are feeling better and that whatever bug it was is gone. All my love!