Real life DIY

I'm sitting here pondering one of life's great mysteries: why the hell are my home improvements taking so damn long when the entire 'crashers' bunch from the DIY network is in and out in three fucking days?

I've come to one conclusion. I don't have forty thousand dollars to spend on my bathroom reno, nor do I have an entire production crew to assist me.

Nevertheless, the improvements are happening rather quickly around here. We finally put one of those giant carport structures over the magic bus to give us some shade and help prolong the life of the roof of the RV. We only had to wait a month on those fuckers to install the damn thing after we paid for it, and Sunshine had to do some serious phone calling and bitching or we'd probably still be waiting. I don't understand how so many of these companies in the arklatex operate like that and yet manage to stay in business, but that's a post for another day.

During the month we waited, we finally got the old coffee table out from under the teevee and replaced it with an entertainment center that also has storage. Sunshine finally made the shelf for our storage shed so that he could move some of his hunting gear outside. We ordered a new sink, new faucet, and a vanity for our bathroom; I'd call it a new vanity, except for the fact that what is in the bathroom now isn't a real vanity--it's one luan side of a vanity and a door in its frame. That's right, my vanity only has one proper side (if you can call luan 'proper')--the other sides consist of the bathroom walls and a cabinet door. No wonder Elkhart Indiana has such a high unemployment rate.

The moment the carport got installed, Sunshine built a nice cedar privacy fence around the lot. His next move out there is a flagstone patio and then an outdoor kitchen. However, all that shit is going to be expensive, so wait we must.

Meanwhile, inside the bus, I ripped out the nasty-ass, fugly green carpet in the bedroom and the disgusting-ass linoleum in the bathroom. The new vanity sits up on legs, which makes now the perfect time to switch out the floors in the back half of the magic bus. I'm putting slate tile in the bedroom and bathroom floors, and murano glass mosaic tiles on the bathroom walls. Unfortunately, that is going to be a two week ordeal. I understand it, Sunshine doesn't want to pay somebody to tile the place when he is capable of doing it and doing it well; but that doesn't make it any easier to wait. So the next two weekends should be interesting, to say the least.

I'm getting rid of the ugly in this magic bus. Slowly but surely, decor that looks like Carmela Soprano chose it when she time traveled back to the 80s on a bad acid trip? Is leaving.

I just wish the DIY network crashers crews did RVs, because being DONE in 72 hours would be worth every aching muscle.