Bear with me, this is a long story. I promise, it is headed somewhere.
It is winter, or close enough that we were feeling the economic effects of it already. My Mr. Sunshine is a mason (brick, block, & stone--not the "secret society.) Winter is always hard for anybody in construction. Anytime of year is hard for anybody in construction, because it is one of those businesses that is feast or famine. Winter is generally famine.
Last winter, he had an extensive historical restoration project that carried us through the winter.
Last winter, I also still had my little job on campus. Thank you, state officials, for your budget cuts that are just nonsensical. Cutting the foreign language degree programs when the numbers of Spanish speaking people in the area has increased exponentially since the last census count=just plain dumbassery. Whatever, just give me my damn degree in May and I don't care.
So with the little campus job I had last year and the stagehand stuff, I didn't hurt too bad last winter for christmas shopping money. This year, no campus job, no multi-day run of Disney on ice, no TSO show. Shopping has been even more deliberate and the bargain hunting has been more intense.
I'd get a job but Sunshine just told me to concentrate on finishing school. He said we'd be all right. And we have been. We've had enough. Sometimes we've just barely had enough, but we've had enough.
Then the winter slowdown hit hard for a minute. Sunshine had bids in all over the place, but none had become contracts yet, and we had gotten to the point of wondering how he would bankroll the contracts should they occur.
Thank heaven for recovery and thank heaven for the Band and thank heaven for heaven. I have learned that if I just hold on and have faith, and continue to put one foot in front of the other, I'll get through it and it will be all right.
Yesterday, I had gathered up the "cookie jar" filled with loose change because we NEEDED four items from the grocery store. I also NEEDED dog food, and even though it wasn't a need, I had found some Ed Hardy long underwear at a decent price that would make practical and thoughtful gifts for Sunshine and his 'partner-in-crime"/best friend/hunting buddy. Alas, the loose change wasn't nearly enough. Then I remembered those damned textbooks I bought at the beginning of the semester (and hadn't used since). I took advantage of textbook buyback. Something is better than nothing, right?
I wound up with JUST enough money to get the dog some food, the four items from the grocery store, and the Ed Hardy underwear. I had enough change for a diet soda at work today. Not a good feeling, being that broke, but at least I had handled the things I felt were important.
Then I decided to check the P.O. box on my way out pf town, just on case Sunshine's BIA check had arrived. It had. He had been expecting around x number of dollars, something that would help us almost break even for the week. (Note: the BIA sends Sunshine a quarterly check that has something to do with mineral rights owned by one of the tribes his heritage traces to. Sunshine says the federal government pays the indians to "not get drunk and not kill white people" with a wicked grin.)
When he had me open the check (I probably need to mention that I was driving, and I promise I learned a lesson here--quit 'multitasking' while driving), I almost caused a multi-car pile-up. That damn check was 20 times more than we expected.
Cash flow crunch solved and then some. Time to pay down the debt incurred when his fucking truck needed a $10,000 new fucking engine this summer.
It was no typo. His siblings' checks were for the same amount.
Thank heaven for the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous and the Band for teaching me that having faith is often the best solution to a problem. Thank heaven to N.A. and the Band for teaching me to hold on to hope.
And thank you to those of you who read my drivel, for all of the support you show in comments.
I promise you, if you have faith, the answer will come.