I must be crazy

I have been having these conflicting emotions lately about my employment status; or more specifically, the lack thereof.

Student loans weigh on my psyche, along with the fears of growing old and having to eat cat food to survive because I have no retirement fund. Sunshine may not always be around, and if something happened to him, what part-time employment I have will be gone (along with my chief source of financial security).

While a big part of me enjoys not falling into the trap pf society's expectations that I go to work to make money to be a good American citizen (read: consumer), there is another part of me that would like to have some more money coming in.

That part of me wonders just how many more days I can spend at home in this magic bus trying to find ways to occupy my time.

It's not like I haven't tried to find a job. The market is shitty. When I get told I don't meet the qualifications to fill a seasonal position at motherfucking Kohl's, there is something seriously wrong with employers. What, pray tell, are the qualifications to sell polyester clothes and pleather handbags? It's not exactly rocket science, so what the fuck?

When even Goodwill can't help me find a job (and they specialize in helping felons find employment), then it's not hard to give up.

So I've been thinking about going into business for myself.

I must be crazy.

I've often heard it said that the only thing more overrated than natural childbirth is owning your own business. My second husband owned his own business, Sunshine owns his own business; I've seen firsthand how overrated owning your own business is. Sunshine is getting eaten alive by insurance payments, yet he can't drop the coverage because it is required by so many contractors he does business with. All these contractors want a licensed and insured sub-contractor doing the work, but they want to pay what an unlicensed, uninsured crew of undocumented immigrants would charge. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-immigrant, I think we need fresh blood and fresh ideas. I just think we need to legalize those who are here so nobody can get away with paying them substandard wages, so they can be required to meet the same standards everybody else must meet; level the playing field for both sides, if you will.)

Considering I know how NOT fun it is to own your own business, I have to be crazy for thinking of starting my own business. Fuck, what a headache. Choosing something that doesn't require a fuckton of startup cash, marketing, location location location, and then sweating through the first few years hoping it becomes profitable? Good times.

I must be crazy, because I'm seriously considering it.