Conversations with my mom have become difficult, to say the least. It's kind of always been that way; active addiction has that effect on family relationships.
My relationship with my mom had been improving, until this summer when I quit a job where I was unappreciated and underpaid. Since then, it seems I can do nothing to please her (except take some shitty job waiting tables for less than minimum wage that really wouldn't even make me enough money to cover the expenses I'd incur to actually work that crappy job), and so conversations have been strained.
The differences in our political views, and more specifically her manner of expressing her disapproval of my beliefs, has reached a point where I have to say enough. When even a simple call to say "I love you, Mother. How are you?" turns into another opportunity for her to spew anger at me, it's time to try something new.
Thank you, Sunshine, for reminding me that I have options today.
I don't have to continue to allow her to behave that way every time we talk on the phone. I can write a letter and say "I love you, Mother, and just felt it was important to me to say that to you."
I don't have to continue to participate in that same old cycle of supposed to.
I can love my mother without having to put up with her unacceptable behaviour. Don't get me wrong, my Mom was a great Mother. She raised her children well, doing a fine job of parenting in spite of the shitty shit life threw at our family. Sometimes, though, my Mom is just human; and that's OK. It doesn't make her any less my Mother, and it doesn't negate all the great things she did for us as kids.
As humans, we don't always relate well to other people. As humans, we hold on to bitterness, disappointment, and resentment. As humans, we take out our frustrations, anger, and fears on those we are closest to. I think it is just part of the curse of being human.
However, I don't have to stay trapped in this vicious cycle of arguments with my Mom.
I can write a letter that says how important it is to me that she know I love her. I can write a letter that doesn't give her an opportunity to be disappointed in my beliefs or the way I live my life.
I can write a letter, and let her know I love her.
Now, where to buy some nice stationary?