20 November 2012

Can tubes of toothpaste reproduce asexually?

I am down to one tiny, trial-sized tube of Biotene. Let's see that motherfucker reproduce now.

I still haven't figured out how so much stuff appears in my house. I spend hours pondering this great mystery instead of actually doing anything about it.

Rather than tackle the pantry and get rid of foodstuffs that I know will not get eaten (thanks for that weird diet, Sunshine), I sit here and wonder what the fuck to do with it all. I have also delayed digging in the basement storage compartments under the bus to whittle down the amount of The Christmas decorations, because that would entail actually making decisions about which ones to keep and which ones to get rid of.

However, Thanksgiving is a couple of days away, which means that I hear the sound of inevitability. I smell the aroma of dust (note to self: buy some damned zyrtec today).

I have enjoyed this break from minimalizing the amount of stuffs and things in my home, but now it is time to get back to work. It's time to send out The Christmas cards, thereby creating more storage under the bed (until those The Christmas merchandise clearance sales, which is how I can afford to send The Christmas cards to folks). It's time to look at all those The Christmas decorations and face the evidence of consumerist schizophrenia in the form of multiple The Christmas personalities stored under the magic bus (we have everything from traditional hand-made ornaments to modern pop-culture-ish-colored ornaments to winterwonderland-themed shit hiding away down there); it begs the question "who am I and which one of these personalities is me?"

I think I have digressed.

Brushing my teeth this morning, I realized that there was only one tiny, trial-sized tube of that Biotene toothpaste left. With such a wonderful hint of progress staring me in the face, I think it is time to get back to the task at hand: getting rid of unnecessary stuffs and thing. I once again long to remove the superfluous.

I dare that one remaining tiny trial-sized tube of Biotene toothpaste to multiply like rabbits now that it has no-one to breed with. And if I wake up tomorrow morning to find that there are once again multiples of tiny, trial-sized tubes of Biotene toothpaste in my bathroom, I will go on a mission to figure out which one of you initiated the conspiracy to place them there.

8 comments:

  1. Off topic comment: I think I would have a hard time sorting through the ornaments. I don't know where I would begin. Which ones would I get rid of, could I get rid of any? At the age of 43, most of them are just to damn sentimental...sheesh....good luck, Cindy!

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    1. I'm not very sentimemtal. My past (the active addictionwith decades) is so horrific that I don't want reminders.

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    2. I gotcha. Mine are all from after *my* addiction but now some are from *his* addiction and those are tempting to toss....

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    3. Yes, Sunshine has already been informed that his sentimental ass will be sitting down with me to go through the The Christmas ornaments to decide which to keep and which to toss. His response? "Why do we have to get rid of them?" my answer? "Because we have enough for three full sized trees." He replied "oh", at which point I reassured him that we would be keeping all ornaments from his mother, which lessened his anxiety significantly. They may not match my personal tastes, but they will be getting used, which makes him way more OK with getting rid of the evidence of gross consumerism.

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  2. I wish my toothpaste would clone, it's gotten so expensive. My problem is plastic grocery bags. I justify keeping them so I don't have to purchase garbage bags, but I swear they're worse than Tribbles.

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    1. Oh, I try so very hard to not bring plastic bags home. Reusable totes for large orders; I'll carry a single item purchase in my hands; when I do have to bring plastic bags in the house, I immediately put them in the trash. Those little plastic bags are an inbasive species, like kudzu or wild boar.

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  3. OMG I will so take The Christmas decorations off of your hands! I'm a total geek for overdoing it on Christmas! Also, those plastic bags? The devil. THE DEVIL.

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    1. Damn. Sunshine totally gave them to his nephew already. I'm sorry.

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